Groundhog Day starts earlier and earlier every year.
In an effort to raise awareness of the months of the year, I have taken it upon myself to design postcards to inform the public about lesser known national holidays. Welcome to The Month Of The Month Club!
While probably better known as National Oatmeal Month, January is also National Bath Safety Month. This is a time when people all over the country, regardless of plumbing restrictions, suddenly become very concerned about slipping in the tub. Many pioneering citizens use this time to install grab bars and sticky traction flowers in the tubs of loved ones.
The bathtub is one of the most dangerous pools of water in most households and should always be approached with caution. It’s also a good rule of thumb to wait about 3 hours after eating before attempting to bathe.
Keep keep in mind, National Bath Safety Month should not be used as a excuse to avoid bathing for a month in silent protest of these watery graves.
Stay up to date on the months at matthewkfanclub.com
In case you missed it, here’s the New Year’s card I tricked my office into sending out this year. More people should consider it their duty to prepare people for the coming apocalypse. Always better to be safe than sorry when it comes to hordes of ravenous marauders.
The card is also locked in a bunker on my website for safekeeping.
The secret to door buster deal success is to go after the sales no one else will touch with a nine foot long deal pole*.
*Nine foot long deal poles are the “it” item this year.
The good people of Newark Penn Station commemorated the first Thanksgiving in cupcakes! All of your favorites are here: turkeys, crying pilgrims, Spongebob and somebody that looks vaguely like Popeye. Not pictured: Indians, Garfield.
