April is National Welding Month.

In an effort to raise awareness of the months of the year, I have taken it upon myself to design postcards to inform the public about lesser known national holidays. Welcome to The Month Of The Month Club!

Your nation needs you! Even as you read this, our enemies amass at our borders trying to destroy our honest, American way of life. Some may come disguised as tourists. Others as travelers “just passing through to Canada.” But we all know why they’re really here. They’re trying to steal all of those high-paying, so simple an idiot can do ‘em American jobs that we’re always telling other countries about. Sure, we may have told a few little white lies to make ourselves sound cooler to South America, but those guys look up to us and will believe anything. But then they told their friends and they told a bunch of people and before you know, all of Eastern Europe is crashing on our couch for “a few more weeks at most.”

So now we don’t have any jobs and even more people that need them. How do we get ourselves out of this pickle? The answer is simple: Robots. I know that idea sounds almost as ludicrous as opening a magic wand factory but let’s think about this practically. Robots are a real growth industry. Everyone wants a robot. Robots are the future according to movies and TV. Plus, you can program robots to do all the boring stuff that we don’t want to do like defend our borders against foreigners that don’t know how to build and maintain robots. So let’s do this!

If you need a job and have a basic grasp of advanced robotics, you may be eligible for a career in:

Robot Manufacturing

Robot Programming

Scrap Metal Acquisition

Nuts and Bolt Sorting

Robot Psychology/Diagnostics

Human-Cyborg Relations

or get your degree in Business Management or Robo-Accounting

What does all of this have to do with National Welding Month? If you’re asking that question, then maybe you don’t deserve your own robot at all. Go back to Russia (which is known for it’s lackluster robotics industry)!

For more of the month of the month, visit the Matthew K Fanclub!