May is National Correct Posture Month.

In an effort to raise awareness of the months of the year, I have taken it upon myself to design postcards to inform the public about lesser known national holidays. Welcome to The Month Of The Month Club!

Do you know suffer from chronic back pain? Do you struggle to maintain proper posture? Do you feel more comfortable hunched over yourself nearly dragging your knuckles on the ground? Then you may be one of the millions of Americans that has been mistakenly classified as human.

Species misclassification is a much more common problem than your tiny brain can probably comprehend. In an effort to make ends meet, many hospitals have been forced to share their staff and facilities with nearby zoos and wildlife preserves. This can cause accidental “swapped at birth” scenarios that, while occasionally comical, are more likely to have long-term ill effects on you and your community if left undiagnosed.

Telltale signs of this condition are large swatches of hair occurring across the majority of the body; an innate yearning for the jungle; and an irritable reaction to cooked food and fire.

If you suspect that you or a loved one is actually a large, shaved ape unknowingly masquerading as a human, don’t worry. Our knowledgeable staff of scientists are discrete, understanding and will only subject suspected man-beasts to a few short weeks of risky experimentation.

Once we’ve officially confirmed you are not human, you will be enrolled in a rehabilitation program that will help you to conquer your inner beast and allow you to be a productive (limited) member of society. You’ll learn beneficial skills such as simple tool use, small talk (office and cocktail party) as well as how to walk in shoes.

So stand tall! You’ll get used to it eventually!

The rest of the Month of the Month Collection is housed at the Matthew K Fanclub!

In an effort to raise awareness of the months of the year, I have taken it upon myself to design postcards to inform the public about lesser known national holidays. Welcome to The Month Of The Month Club!

Move over, Black History Month! February has a new thing to educate children about! If children are our future, then their teeth are the building blocks of that juvenile empire.  97% of children lose all of their primary or “baby” teeth by the age of 11. That staggering statistic might cause some children to wonder why they should even bother to brush at all. The truth is there’s really no good reason you can give them. So here are a few I made up to scare your kids straight.

1. The tooth fairy doesn’t give money for damaged teeth.

2. If you don’t have any teeth, the only things you’ll be able to eat are ice cream and jello which sounds fun at first but loses it’s luster around week 8.

3. Teeth are your only natural defense against the monsters that live under your bed.

So keep those smiles white!

And remember parents, tooth decay can strike when you least expect it. Even long after those baby teeth have fallen out. Most sensible dentists recommend regular brushing to maintain a healthy set of alternates in case one of those new teeth needs to be swapped out for an original a few years down the road.

For more of the month of the month, visit the Matthew K Fanclub!

In an effort to raise awareness of the months of the year, I have taken it upon myself to design postcards to inform the public about lesser known national holidays. Welcome to The Month Of The Month Club!

While probably better known as National Oatmeal Month, January is also National Bath Safety Month. This is a time when people all over the country, regardless of plumbing restrictions, suddenly become very concerned about slipping in the tub.  Many pioneering citizens use this time to install grab bars and sticky traction flowers in the tubs of loved ones.

The bathtub is one of the most dangerous pools of water in most households and should always be approached with caution. It’s also a good rule of thumb to wait about 3 hours after eating before attempting to bathe.

Keep keep in mind, National Bath Safety Month should not be used as a excuse to avoid bathing for a month in silent protest of these watery graves.

Stay up to date on the months at matthewkfanclub.com